Belief Coaching for Personal Issues

Problem/challenge: Elizabeth was unable to speak up for herself

Old Belief: “Why bother? I’m a dummy.”
New Belief: “I can just be me.”

Elizabeth decided to participate in a Belief Coaching session because she wanted to find out why, when confronted by a verbally aggressive co-worker or when there was conflict between her and another person, she couldn’t think of the right words to say in the heat of the moment. She felt frustrated and “pissed off” at herself and even wondered if she had a learning disability. Since her colleague had a temper and was known to throw things, she was afraid to answer him back for fear of making things worse. Where did that fear of speaking up come from?

Elizabeth recalled a time from kindergarten when the other kids made fun of her and she couldn’t think anything to say or do except to run away and cry. She began to get emotional; tears welled up in her eyes. I suggested that in order for her to feel unable to speak – she would have to have a belief in her mind that prevented her from speaking up for herself and speaking out. She agreed. She used to tell herself: “I’m a dummy. Why should I even bother trying to think of something to say?”

During the session, Elizabeth remembered playing with her nephew Colby, who was around the same age as her. To her, he felt like her brother. Eventually, she began to smile and laugh. When she would play with him and other family members their age, she felt like she was “in her happy place”. To her, those were “good times”, “anything they could do, I could do”, there was “no competition” and “I never had my guard up”. In recalling these memories, she realized: “I could just be me”. This one thought alone gave her an incredible sense of relief and release. When she thought about how the kids in kindergarten used to tease her, it no longer bothered her. And when she thought about her verbally aggressive colleague, she no longer felt afraid of answering back to him – or anyone. The belief: “I could just be me” made her feel more confident in herself. It boosted her self-worth and self-esteem. At the end of the session she said “I feel taller!”

After her Belief Coaching session, Elizabeth called Colby to tell him how much he meant to her, and to thank him for being such an important person in her life. Later that same day, he sent her the following message on Facebook:

 

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